In February 2018, my church had a guest speaker from Australia for a woman’s conference that I attended with my friend Sonia. This speaker was fun and exciting. She was also a bold woman and there were moments when she would challenge the audience with something that God had laid on her heart to speak to us. The challenge was something that we had been feeling that we needed to surrender to God such as feelings of anxiety, anger, fear or past hurts. One particular challenge she asked the audience a question that I couldn’t avoid. She said, “If you are holding disappointment in yourself or feel disappointment toward someone who has wronged you, I want to ask you to stand up.”
I looked at my friend Sonia and said, “I need to stand up because I have been carrying disappointment around for years.” As I stood up, a group of other ladies stood as well. The speaker looked at each of us and said, “Now that you have surrendered that disappointment to God and stood up, that disappointment just fell off your lap. You don’t carry it anymore so don’t try to pick it back up.”
That night while sleeping I had a dream. In the dream, I was standing outside an old renovated two story house. There was an eerie feeling in the air and it looked like it was getting dark outside. I walked around to the front of the house and took the steps up on the front porch and walked into the front foyer. As I went to close the front door, I noticed that something was stuck in the door preventing it from closing all the way. As I looked down to see what was blocking the door, my eyes followed a vacuum cleaner cord that led into a side room. The vacuum cleaner was sitting in the room and it looked like it had recently been in use. I thought, “oh, that’s odd, well, I just need to pull the cord out of the door so I can shut it.” Just as I was opening the front door, my three dogs were sitting on the front porch staring at me with their sweet puppy eyes. Suddenly I was caught off guard by a large man dressed in black with a black ski mask covering most of his face. He jumped in the doorway and used his strong hands to shove me back into the house. When his hands hit my shoulders; my body, and spirit jolted in the dream. Literally, I woke up for just a split second because the jolt hit me so hard I could feel it in my spirit; my spirit leaped and my physical body jerked simultaneously. Still, in the dream, I recall that this man had the most beautiful yet evil eyes, as he peered at me through the mask. His blue-green eyes (that looked like the color of the ocean) pierced my soul with extreme hatred and I could tell that his intentions were to hurt me. Feelings of extreme panic overtook me and I tried to scream but my voice was muffled. The only thing I could think to do was to start saying the name of Jesus. I finally gathered enough courage and yelled out, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” Then the evil man vanished.
When I woke up the next morning, I did not know what the dream meant but I was still shaken up in my mind. I knew this dream had a meaning because usually when God gives me a dream or allows a dream to happen, it plays out like a movie. The dreams are vivid with lots of colors and distinct images. This time I was the main character and I felt puzzled not knowing what the meaning of it was. I knew in my spirit that I had just released something very powerful and the enemy wasn’t happy with me.
I have the most amazing group of friends with Crowns for Christ Ministries. These ladies love the Lord and are amazing prayer warriors for Christ. Needing wisdom, I sent them a group text telling them about the dream. I told them that I believe the Lord allowed me to have this dream because I released disappointment the night before at the conference. After praying about the dream, my friend Tina replied back with a response. She said, “The vacuum cleaner cord in your dream and the vacuum is used for cleaning; to suck up all that old junk and all that old dirt in your spiritual life. I believe the enemy is trying to unplug that vacuum cleaner so that you don’t rid yourself of the hindrances but that is a lie from the pit of hell. The enemy is angry and is trying to intimidate you because you are increasing your capacity to receive more of God so that He can enlarge your territory.”
Wow! I didn’t realize how important letting go of disappointment was. After that dream, the people or circumstances that I held disappointment towards started to change for the better. Every time the enemy would attack my mind to try to bring me back to the place of disappointment, the Holy Spirit would remind me of that dream. Honestly, I am writing this testimony down because lately, I have been faced with more situations of disappointment; preventing me from sleeping. In the middle of the night, my mind wouldn’t stop repeating thoughts of hurt and frustration. It felt as though I was going through a spiritual storm that was raging in my mind. Waves of thoughts were continually crashing in and causing me mental anguish. Restless, I prayed and asked God to help me release my frustration and ease my mind. I got out of bed and opened my Bible right to Mark 4:35-41 where Jesus and His disciples got into a boat to go to the other side. Suddenly, a large storm came in and the disciples were concerned that their boat would be destroyed.
A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!”Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:35-40 NIV
This is why I want to share my thoughts with you. If you are going through a spiritual battle and the enemy is attacking your mind with anxiety, disappointment, and anger because of something that you have done or was done to you, I want to ask you to stand up and release that to God. Let’s pray together as I stand up with you.
“Lord, I am standing up with my hands raised high. I release all disappointment, anxiety, fear, and anger and I give them to You. I will no longer hold them in my lap and I will no longer try to pick back up those things that hinder me from expanding my territory with You God. I allow You, Lord, to calm the storms raging in my mind. I fully surrender all of these feelings to You and I ask You to help me forgive others and myself. You know each of us by name, Lord and You love us. (If you feel the need, you can mention these names to God) I pray for restoration in all the areas effecting of my life and the lives of others. By releasing them, I accept and allow Your peace, Your grace and Your love to flow through me; together with You God, we are cleaning up all that mess and I am now resting in You. For You, Lord, are faithful and I trust You. By doing this, I am increasing my capacity to advance Your Kingdom on earth. I will not allow the enemy to unplug my cord to vacuum up all that dirt nor will he scare or intimidate me any longer. I speak out loud the powerful name of Jesus and the enemy must flee. JESUS! JESUS! JESUS!
Thank you, Father God, for helping me clean up my mess and for calming the storms in me. I no longer carry those feelings of disappointment anymore. You are a good Papa! Thank You, Jesus!”
Later, when I looked up the meaning of the number three and why God showed me my three dogs, I learned that the number three means divine completion and perfection. My dogs were an example of the Trinity and the purity of God’s love. He was always there with me in the dream and He showed me Himself before the enemy tried to attack me. Obviously, the blue-green eyes were a tactic of the enemy and the raging storms that tried to tear my life apart. God LOVES you, my friend. Keep your eyes on Jesus and allow Him to calm the storms and continue to stand up when necessary to drop disappointment off your lap. Oh, and keep that vacuum plugged in! Papa God wants to continue to clean up some messes! But first, He wants to calm the storms raging in your mind. Jesus said it best…
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27
Papa God and Ashley
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